Mary and the Meal
by Undirected Passions
Summary: When Mary brings her pet to school, her teachers focus is from rules and regulations. Soon Mary and her teacher are entangled in a battle for the farm animals flesh. But what if this innocent white-fleeced creature isn't as harmless as he seems? Collab.


**Authors' Notes:**

This is just a bit of madness my sister and I created on a lazy Sunday afternoon. As this is I figured we'd post our little parody here. Oh, and Jiang Shi are Chinese vampires, or ones based of the Chinese legends.

-Kelsey (Poetic Ramblings)

Neither of us own the tale of Mary and her little lamb. I don't know if anyone does, for that matter, but I'll put this disclaimer up to be safe. Hope you enjoy it, and aren't too grossed out. Also, although this is rated K+ there are some pretty grotesque scenes. So read at your own risk.

-Kiersten (Sumiko Mikazuki)

* * *

**Mary and the Meal**

Mary was a sweet little girl, with fluffy pink dresses, soft black hair that curled into perfect ringlets. But what softened her appearance the most was her cute little lamb that followed her everywhere. Everyone in town loved the lamb, and he was let wherever Mary went, except school. Mary's teacher was a vicious woman, loud and rotund with a voice that could crack steel. Mary was quite sad that her little pet couldn't come to her place of education, so one sunny Monday she decided to sneak him to school.

"Yum!" Mary's teacher exclaimed when she spotted the lamb, "We can make roast lamb!"

"No!" Mary screamed. "Let me get the pickles first!"

Mary's teacher growled at her, salivating like a mad dog. "My meat," she hissed, placing a possessive hand on the lamb's leg.

Mary sneered and launched herself at her teacher, the claws protruding from her small fingers tearing into the large woman's face. The teacher yelped and jumped back in pain, before wrestling Mary to the linoleum floor.

"Die, you bloody Mary!" she announced, her voice sharp and decisive, like some sort of primitive battle cry. The educator took a deep breath and dove into her student's shoulder, anticipating fresh meat.

"Whatever teach," Mary snickered, knocking the teacher off with little effort.

"Baa!" said the lamb, frightened by the manic violence. "Baa!" He scurried around the room, desperate for a way out.

"No!" Mary's teacher barked, frustrated that her meal was escaping. "Catch him you stupid girl!"

"It's your fault," Mary howled, pained by her pet's escape. She took a quick lunge forward, but hastily lost her footing as the lamb darted under her legs. "Damn," Mary said weakly, feeling the blood drip from her cracked skull onto the clean white tiles, "this floor's done for."

Mary's teacher studied Mary carefully, waiting until she was sure she was dead. "Not what I was expecting, but it'll work," she giggled, licking her lips hungrily before delving into Mary's corpse. "It's bitter…" the woman observed, her breath slowing as she tore at the flesh. Her eyesight began to blur as she realized she had been poisoned. "Nice trick," she laughed, glancing at Mary's smiling cadaver as everything faded to black.

The room was as dead silent as the bodies occupying it. All of the students had fled in fear of the animal-like behavior of their teacher and classmate, leaving only the little white lamb.

"Baa," the lamb repeated softly, nearly smiling at his lifeless owner. He lifted his muzzle triumphantly and bore his razor teeth. They were almost ready, he thought gleefully, once rigor mortis had set in he would make them into his own. A Jiang Shi army would raise across the world. Across the universe.

* * *

**Bloody Mary and the Vampire Lamb**

_Mary had a little lamb _

_Little lamb, little lamb_

_Mary had a little lamb _

_Whose teeth were sharp as tacks _

_right into school one day _

_School one day, school one day _

_Snuck him into school one day_

_Teacher saw a snack _

_Mary was quite hungry too _

_Hungry too, hungry too _

_Mary was quite hungry too_

_Wanted some roast meat_

_Mary beat her teacher down _

_Teacher down, teacher down _

_Mary beat her teacher down _

_Knocked misses off her feet _

_Teacher bared her razor claws_

_Razor claws, razor claws _

_Teacher bared her razor claws _

_And dug into her flesh _

_Little lamb got very scared _

_Very scared, very scare _

_Little lamb was scared _

_Fear and death did mesh _

'_Cause Mary fell and cracked her head _

_Cracked her head, cracked her head_

_Mary fell and cracked her head _

_Tripped right o'er her pet _

_Teacher saw the body, fresh _

_Body fresh, body fresh _

_Teacher saw the body, fresh _

_And got some good meat yet_

_Mary's poison killed her dead _

_Killed her dead, killed her dead _

_Mary's poison killed her dead _

_Two corpses, young and old_

_Little lamb bared vampire fangs_

_Vampire fangs, vampire fangs _

_Little lamb bared vampire fangs _

_Planned to rule the world_


End file.
